GOOD ADVICE

"Where are my keys?!"

If misplacing things (and the panic attack that follows) is a regular part of your life, here's a fresh look at the problem - and some solid solutions.

We've all been there. Racing around to get out of the house in time for the most important meeting of the month (if not lifetime) and...Where is that other shoe? Where are the house keys? Where is my cell phone? What did I do with the notes I spent hours writing last night?

Why are we always losing-or if you prefer, misplacing-the very things we depend on in the most mundane ways? And why do we let our absentmindedness carry us to the brink of panic? To compound the problem, once you think of yourself as the kind of person who is scattered, you begin to expect you will lose things. Such anticipation has serious consequences, which would be hilarious if they weren't so devastating to our self-esteem. Like the iconic seventies pop art painting in which the comic-book blond has a bubble over her head saying. "I can't believe I forgot to have children..."

There are several approaches to the "Wherever could I have put it?" problem. Michael Solomon, a self-described "findologist" has written an entire book on the matter, How to Find Lost Objects, and he lays out soothingly commonsensical tips that do work. One such gem is "Tail thyself" - retrace the steps leading up to the loss. You may even go so far as to put your path into print: When you lose something, sit down with a piece of paper and backtrack through everything that you did. Write down every little thing. Take your time; you won't panic, because you are busy concentrating. Retrace your steps. It does work and you will find the lost object.

Also, be on alert for the camouflage effect, says Solomon: The item you seek is nearby, just hidden from view. Of course, it sounds completely obvious, but how many times have you scoured the dining table and front hall for your keys only to find that they are sitting under a pile of mail you brought in and dumped on the kitchen counter?

Another piece of advise from Solomon: "The lost item is were it is supposed to be. You must first collect your wits. Don't look for the lost item," he says. "That is to say, don't look for it yet. Wait until you are in the proper frame of mind." It goes without saying that part of the reason we lose things is that we're not in the proper frame of mind to begin with. We are not paying attention to what we're doing. When we are multitasking we are doing a bit of everything, and perhaps not doing anything quite right. When we put something down and forget about it, we are literally losing our minds - and anyone who has experienced the pulse-racing, palm-sweating, heart-pounding anxiety of losing their cell phone knows what I'm talking about. It's important to calm down and realize, as Solomon says, "You're looking right at it." (No kidding-and in some cases, holding it right in your hand.) "Curiously, it is possible to look directly at a lost object and not see it," he explains. "We become so agitated we don't perceive what's right in front of us. So calm down."

Refuse to allow your mind to race. Breathe deeply, make a cup of tea. Call a friend. Do a crossword puzzle. A Catholic acquaintance calms herself by talking to Saint Anthony, the patron saint of lost things: "Tony, Tony, look around. Something lost must be found." she repeats, rather than holding herself responsible for the search. She claims it works every time; the item reappears once she is no longer madly hunting for it.

Advise about how to conduct systematic searches is always useful, but if you are cronically misplacing things, you might try a deeper consideration of the root causes of the problem.

Ellen Langer, Ph.D., a professor in the psychology department of Harvard University, has written four books about the consequences of mindlessess-people's tendancy to operate on autopilot-and its corrective counterpart, mindfulness. "Misplacing keys may be a good thing-if it reveals our mindlessness to us." Langer says.

At its dark heart, mindlessness has to do with not being fully in the moment: We tune out and do not pay attention to what we are doing. A friend once described finding a misplaced passport for her frantic and fuming husband just moments before he had to leave to catch a plane. She walked right up to a shelf that he'd scoured moments before and found it in seconds. "He couldn't see the forest for the seethes," as she put it, which perfectly captures the mental derangement brought on by the panic of not being able to locate something.

"When we recognize that we can't be sure of virtually anything, when we don't simply go through the motions, we naturally stay tuned in," says Langer. Put this way, begin to consider how constantly losing stuff might indicate that something deeper is amiss with the way your are living. Are you overloaded? Doing or thinking about too many things at once? Are there more problems than usual during the times when you lose things? Did you dawdle too long and are now running late when you lose things?

Short of months of therapy, are there ways to cultivate mindfulness and stop leaving a trail of misplaced items in our wake? "It is surprisingly easy to train yourself." Langer explains. "All you have to do is notice new things. That's it. Walk out your front door and notice something around you. Look at your spouse, a close friend, or a colleague, and notice new things about him or her. Doing so puts you in the present and makes you aware that you didn't know things as well as you thought you did. That uncertainty keeps you attentive." (Granted, this is hard to pull off when you are late for work or to pick up your child at soccer practice, but that's the point: to force yourself to unplug from autopilot so you are more conscious of your actions, if only for a moment.) While this isn't the technique that will help you locate that missing passport in the next five minutes, it might be a clever way of teaching you how to not lose it in the first place.

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